Reform

by Sandra

To abandon evil conduct or error. Sounds simple enough doesn't it? Sounds logical, sounds like something that any or all of us would want to pursue. We are Americans. We believe in God. We believe in justice and defending the down-trodden. We believe in human rights and human dignity.

We believe in those things unless you are labeled a sex offender. Many, TOO many, believe that sex offenders have no rights and that all classed as such are child molestors and predators. How do we reform, not only laws, but also the perception of the public?

A wise woman recently told me that it will be mothers who will facilitate change. That makes sense to me. Who is more passionate than a mom, that nurturer, that strong and determined woman that will fight to the death for her child, that screams in outrage at the injustices, not just to her children, but to all who are maligned and abused.

When my own child was accused, convicted and "condemned" as a sex offender, I had to find an outlet for my anger, my outrage, my passion. I had to find a way to take something so hateful and turn it into something productive, something positive. I had to find a way to hope, when so much seemed hopeless. And I discovered an organization that embraced those same things, an organization that not only seeks change but DEMANDS it. A powerful and committed group of people...moms, parents and grandparents, spouses, friends...Offenders. Reform Sex Offender Laws.org. I had to become involved, for my child's sake, for my own sake, for the benefit of others. And to work to set wrongs to right, "To help abandon evil conduct or error". I asked for, and was given the opportunity for involvement, as a state organizer for reform of sex offender laws. What a privilege. What a challenge.

The past weeks have been exceedingly difficult... so difficult and emotional that I seriously considered resigning from RSOL as a co-organizer for our state.

My son recently took his first polygraph as part of his probation. He passed the test because he was very honest; however there was a serious consequence to his honesty. Because he had drank and watched adult content on Showtime (They called Showtime "Pornography"), his probation officer filed to have his probation removed, recommending prison for a year and GPS monitoring (in this state, the monitoring would be for life. The court ordered therapist was very surprised at her recommendation, stating that was NOT what he and she had discussed.) We then found out that the judge that would be hearing this is the toughest in the county with zero tolerance... the county detention is overflowing with people waiting to be sent to prison, much because of his harsh sentencing. We did not have much hope.

But, with much, much prayer and constant and unwavering faith, we received a miracle. My son was sentenced to two months and did not have to have the GPS monitoring. The judge was stern and harsh but everyone was "shocked" at this "leniency" from him.

Was this fair? Yes and no. He violated and there is a price to pay for not following rules. There is an accountability and we first have to be accountable before we can expect it of others. What is unfair is the "seeming" vendetta that the PO has, the fact that very few succeed under this officer and that there seems to be no commitment to help those on probation/parole be successful. It appears to be all about punishment and if the court did not deal harshly enough then the POs do seem to have enough power to enforce their own idea of punishment.

But, as unjust and heinous as this is, my son has changed so much and we believe this "punishment" sought became a blessing, not just for him and me, but for other inmates. We have been so blessed by so many on the inside of those walls and we have been allowed to bless others.

I get 2 one hour visits with him per week. He is locked up with other SOs and is attending bible study daily. His faith is growing. But not only his faith, also his awareness of the need for change and reform. When I visited him one Tuesday, he told me that he had been discussing RSOL with others and they were interested and had questions and he pulled out a list and a pen from his pocket with their many questions. When I visited again, he had more of their questions. He spoke to me of the way these people had been treated, not just the SOs but the whole general population. He said, "Mom, I know of at least FIVE constitutional rights violated. This is wrong and something HAS to be done, especially when people have paid the price for crimes and served their time." I reminded him that this was his opportunity for involvement and change was slow but started with each one of us as individuals. He told me then, "I will never say again that I don't want to hear about it or not deal with it". He has FINALLY stopped the denial and has moved to the next step. It was one thing to know that he was "victimized" but what has really made the change was seeing how common and so very wrong that the laws are and the treatment of offenders. He also told me that, although he didn't want to go to jail, much good has come out of this and he's seeing the positive of being there. He's wearing the most beautiful smile and he radiates peace. He's sharing everything - his faith, his information, contacts, even his food. I smiled when I asked if he was buying for others too, reminding him that I could barely afford to put money into his account. He told me that he knew that and wouldn't ask for extra - but yes, he did share - that too many had NOBODY. I know we can't save the world but if the difference is made with even one life, then we'll pray for that "domino effect". He's been there nearly two months and the dominoes have been set in motion.

My son is in the county jail, just barely missing the time frame of having to go to prison. One of his cellmates has served his sentence in prison, approximately 8 years. I don't know about other states, but in our state, even though a person may have served their time, they are still "evaluated" for release and many do not get out, is what I'm hearing and understanding. The system could keep you for life if it's decided that a person should not be released. So, as I said, this man served his prison time and is now being "evaluated" and has gone to the county jail from prison. He's been in the jail for three months and my son told me that they want him to undergo eighteen months of "therapy" but not do it from the outside, do it from the jail. The man doesn't want to do it, stating he has served his time. My son and the other cell mate are encouraging him to just go with it..

Now, the kicker. The man is illiterate, he cannot read or write. He has no advocates and if he has friends or family they are not in the picture. He has a pro bono attorney contracted and hired by the public defender's office. My son and the other cellmate were reading through this man's paperwork and he was not even aware of what his attorney was recommending. He was not defending his client, but, it's my understanding, was not recommending release. And the attorney will NOT accept this man's calls to his office. It seems that he is truly being victimized, especially with his illiteracy and lack of understanding of what's being done or rather NOT being done on his behalf.

My family member is fortunate, he has a great network of support and he knows it. And then I think of this cellmate. Who is going to be strong for him? Who is going to persevere, help him, support him? The responsibility IS ours, one human to another.

I have provided statistics, links and contacts to inmates. I've made phone calls to family members and friends. I've met people, usually parents, in the detention center parking lot that just seem to want to talk, NEEDING someone to listen. I've shared this need for change and now others are reaching to me, to my son, for help, encouragement, and wanting to know how THEY can get involved. So, this situation, initially seeming to be so unfair, God has used positively. Yesterday I received a "hand-made card" from some of the inmates. They thanked me for caring, for loving, for sharing and reaching out to people that we didn't know. I cried. These men have given me so much more than the small things I've offered. I have a renewed faith, the spark of my passion has been re-ignited and I have become re-energize. My commitment to change is unfaltering and maybe it will take one person at a time. But it's a start. And THAT is pro-active

I still worry when my son gets out - his PO is difficult,.and, as I stated previously, few succeed under her. The attorney told me that she "requests" these cases and if so many "fail" then it makes me think she has a "personal agenda" here. But, if all goes well, the probation will be complete the last of July.

I have a renewed faith, the spark of my passion has been re-ignited and I have become re-energized. My commitment to change is unfaltering and maybe it will take one person at a time. So be it.

And my son is growing. I am growing. And we're educating... those around us are becoming aware, and are starting to share and advocate. It's a start and I am most grateful