Trading My Sorrows

by Amy

A voice for the wife of a Registered Sex Offender. Choosing to trade my sorrows for the Joy that comes from God...this is my voice...maybe my ministry...it's my life and I wouldn't trade it for the world...it won't defeat me...it won't define us...

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Why won't they come?

I remember the day I had enough. The thought of living under these laws and with the daily stress was overwhelming. It was bad when I cleaned the trash up out of my yard after people drove by screaming obscenities at me. I was shaken from being approached by my neighbor who was calling my husband a child molester when he isn't. I was terrified when a stranger pulled up across the street from my house and took pictures of my son and I out in the yard. I was humiliated when we were ousted at a nearby church we visited. I was upset when I had to move my child to another school for the second time. Finally, I had enough when a woman spotted my husband at the store with my son and called the police because my son was wearing his adorable cub scout outfit and she felt a sex offender shouldn't be anywhere near children. When it reached my child in a way that hurt him, I had enough. He no longer participates in the cub scout program because we either have to make my husband known to all or not come. My husband picked him up from scouts one day and ran an errand for me and now scouts is over...my son can't go to scouts without everyone knowing and he can't go if everyone knew. He misses it and there is nothing we can do...he can't go because his daddy is a sex offender.

The upcoming conference for sex offender reform in Atlanta is my opportunity. It's my chance to let my legislators know that these laws affect me and my son too. It's my chance to share with others the pain and hurt it has caused to innocent people. I've spoken with so many young men who made stupid choices who feel life is not worth living. There is no future and no hope. The world views them all as child raping kidnappers who deserve all the humiliation they have received even when they had consensual sex with an under-aged minor...some of them are now married to those they "offended" against and are trying to raise their children and lead as normal of a life as they can under the shame of the registry. Could you imagine a mom taking her children to school with a "sex offender" license plate on her car because her husband is on the registry...that is the future that they and I have to look forward too. I've heard people say that it is unfortunate that those who really didn't hurt a child have to register but the public has the right to know who is dangerous. Seriously? People vote for lawmakers on the basis that they continue to make laws that are unconstitutional and put innocent people in danger and so they feel no remorse for those whose lives are ruined so they can "feel" safe? Did my son feel safe on the bus when the kids were telling him his dad was a bad person? Are we safe from the stranger who took our photograph? Are we safe from those who think the worst of our husbands and are capable of burning our house down with us in it? Our address and my husband's sin is on a national registry...are we safe? That is what is happening across America...but you won't hear about it on the news because there is no sympathy for the sex offender and his family.

So I have a chance to tell the world my side of the story they will never hear unless I tell it. I have a chance to tell them that my husband did something stupid and he is sorry for what he did; he has no desire to hurt children. I have a chance to tell them that they are being fed lies from rising politicians who use fear to obtain their vote. There is real research out there and the lies John Walsh and Nancy Grace spout out are based on hated and not facts.

We sent out thousands of letters. My friend from SOIssues has helped us spread the word to the thousands of members on his site...but the response is less than 10%. We've got enough attendees to make a statement...possibly even to reach a national level...but will it be enough to make change...real change that could come soon? Why are we not filling up a stadium with people who have had enough and who want to learn how to make an impact and a difference? How much worse does it have to get before they will come and support reform? We can't get those unaffected by the registry to stand up...so why won't they who are? We couldn't reach everyone, but for the ones we did, I just don't understand why they won't come. AB